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Results from the third loss

I kinda left you all hanging on the 3rd loss. But I promise it wasn’t on purpose. Until this past Thursday, we didn’t have all the answers. We heard from the nurse last week that the baby had trisomy 11, and was a boy. I was actually relieved it was a trisomy. How terrible is that? But that meant that it was a more common miscarriage, not one of these 2% chance events. But we didn’t really know what that meant until we met with the doctor on Thursday. He explained that with Trisomy 11, the baby wouldn’t have survived outside of the womb, and it’s unlikely we would have even made it past 8 weeks.

He went on to explain that all 3 of our losses have been totally random. There really is no explanation as to why one person would have an ectopic, a triploidy, and a trisomy. Which may sound frustrating, but it was actually a relief to us. That means there probably isn’t an underlying issue with one of us (other than my low AMH). He suggested we do a miscarriage panel on me (which requires 17 vials of blood. Shoot me now) and a chromosome test on Reid. He really doesn’t think it’s likely we’ll find something else – in fact he said there’s a 3% chance that there’s a bigger issue with one of us – but it doesn’t hurt to check so we can potentially avoid another heartbreak. The tests will check for any genetic issues such as chromosomal abnormalities, inflammation, and auto-immune issues. Since we’ve done POC (products of conception) testing on the last two babies, they know that these losses weren’t due to issues with one of us, but this will hopefully give us some peace of mind for future pregnancies.

Same as last time, we had to check to make sure my HCG level was back down to zero. Thank God, it was. Last time it took 12 weeks and it was torture going in week after week for blood tests.

So what next? Our story has changed a lot since July of last year. We went from trying for 15 months and being told that we needed to do IVF, to now getting pregnant twice on our own. The last one we had only been trying a month. So the doctor’s recommendation has obviously changed as well. He feels quite comfortable in saying that we shouldn’t have to do IVF (whew!)… that is, unless for some reason we aren’t able to get pregnant again on our own in the next several months, and as long as the genetic testing comes back normal. He actually said “whether you guys try on your own, or I help you with medical intervention – ultimately it’s all up to God.” And he’s so right. So we’ll leave it in his hands and pray for the best!

So now you’re up to speed on our story. We’re here at present day. Not trying, not not trying. Just working on living our lives and enjoying this moment as much as we can. We are now hopeful for our future, and confident that we’ll have a baby at some point, in some way.

I was laying on the acupuncturist’s table yesterday and started praying. It took me by surprise the things I was saying to God. Usually I would lay there and say “please God, let this baby be our miracle,” or “please let us have a healthy baby soon,” but yesterday I found myself praying “thank you, God, for this experience. Thank you for everything we’ve been through, and for the amazing growth experience you’ve put in front of us.” If you had told me a year ago today that I would be thanking God for all of the heartbreak, loss, and challenges we’ve gone through, I would tell you you’re crazy. But here I am. I hope that if you or someone you know is going through this, this gives you hope. You WILL come out stronger. You WILL see the light at the end of the tunnel. You WILL find your happiness again. And that doesn’t always have to be after you have a healthy baby. We’re still in the middle of this. We haven’t had our happy ending, but I’m confident that we will. And when we do, it will be so much greater, and we will appreciate it so much more because of what we’ve gone through.


Our tough days aren’t over, I’m sure. And even when we get pregnant again, we’ll have some challenges ahead of us. But we can do it, and a big part of that is knowing the support system we have. Thank you to all of you who have been praying for and supporting us!     

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