Skip to main content

Just Wait

This weekend Reid and I hosted our annual Super Bowl party. We love to host it every year, but of course that does come with some stress preparing the house and getting everything ready. I woke up early on Sunday, and was picking up around the house when I realized the upstairs toilet was still broken. I had let Reid know about it months ago (and every couple of weeks since then), but he is a professional procrastinator. And honestly we very rarely use that bathroom, so it was kind of “out of sight, out of mind”. But I was pissed. Here we were, preparing to have 25 adults and 6 kids over, and one of our toilets wasn’t working. I stormed into the bedroom and inquired as to when he was going to fix it, seeing as we needed it TODAY. We had so many other things to do that day, and now he has to take a toilet apart. I started explaining to him that now I see that being a 3 hour job (yes, I like to over-dramatize the situation from time to time) and then what if he can’t fix it and now we don’t have any extra time to spend on it. His response: “I understand that you’re mad I haven’t done it yet. But can you at least wait until I actually fail to fix it before you get mad that I can’t?”

Wow. What a profound thing to say.

I am Christian, but I wouldn’t say I’m super religious. And lately I’ve been very mad at God. While my overall attitude has been better, I wouldn’t say that it’s because I’ve put my trust in God that everything will work out. In fact, I’ve started to distrust Him. Some days I’ve decided that He isn’t going to “fix” our situation, so I become really angry with Him. But truth is, His time’s not up yet. I just can’t see the full plan. The party hasn’t started. I have to say though, even typing that out makes my skin crawl. Because I’ve heard so many times throughout this journey “God has a plan”, and while yes, that’s true, sometimes I want to punch the person telling me that because it’s usually not a good time for me to hear it. But it’s the truth. Months ago, when I mentioned the broken toilet, I can 100% guarantee you that Reid didn’t think “Oh, I better fix that because we’ll need to use that toilet during Super Bowl.” He didn’t know the full plan. And we don’t either.

Halfway through Reid fixing the toilet, I went upstairs to check on him and saw the complete mess that was the bathroom. Tools were strewn everywhere and the toilet parts were laying on the ground. It only increased my anxiety, because I just couldn’t see that mess turning back into my clean bathroom. But that’s where we are right now… the mess. The parts are out of place, and the tools are laying all over the floor. But He’s working on us.

Thanks for that reminder, God. I do believe that my Mema had something to do with that message. And it makes me smile just thinking about it.

Oh, and Reid would like you all to know that the toilet DID get fixed. With plenty of time to spare. 

Comments

  1. What a beautiful and profound message/reminder! In a recent church conference one of the leaders spoke about how you can only see the dots connect looking back and going forward we truly have to have faith in the plan. Not easy for sure, but necessary. Sending you continuous love and prayers! Also, I’m glad Reid got the toilet fixed!😉

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cholangiocarcinoma and the Fight for a Liver

2:00 in the morning, and I’m wide awake. Let me tell you something about myself… I very very rarely have issues sleeping. Like I can count on one hand the times that I haven’t been able to sleep through the night. I’m that person that will wake up, roll over, and go straight back to sleep. But tonight I’m wide awake.
Today was a rough day.
Hell, the last two weeks have been rough.
My husband is believed to have cancer. In the bile ducts. Which is the thing that we’ve feared the most over the last four years. And the worst part? They can’t even prove it with biopsies, because it’s that far into his bile ducts, and that hard to detect. Our saving grace was always, “if he gets cancer, as long as we catch it in time, we’ll be able to automatically get exception points on the transplant list, and that will move him up the list quickly.”
But we can’t even do that. I feel stuck. And afraid.
Two weeks ago, Reid had a Spyglass (ERCP) procedure because his Houston transplant team noticed …

The Story of our First Potential Living Donor

I am so excited to share the story of our first potential living donor with you. The conversations with this guy, and the selflessness of his offer, have touched our hearts in so many ways.
In January of this year, I woke up to a Facebook message from a high school friend, Desmond Parker. And I laid in bed crying as I read it. He couldn’t sleep the night before and decided to re-activate his Facebook account. The first thing he saw in his timeline was a blog post that I’d written with an update on Reid’s health. And something in him said “I need to help”. He spent the next hour or so researching living donor transplants before messaging me, and he “couldn’t find a reason why NOT to do it.” His message said that he wanted to be tested to see if he was a match for my husband.
Y’all, I hadn’t talked to this guy in several years. He had never met my husband. He felt no obligation to us other than we had a need, and he wanted to help (cue the tears). Dez checked all of the boxes on pape…

The Outcome of our 1st Embryo Transfer

On June 14th, we went in for our first ever embryo transfer. Since we weren’t PGS testing this time, our doctor suggested we go for a day-5 fresh transfer. We agreed that we would make a game-time decision as to whether we would transfer one or two. And we ended up transferring two morula embryos.
Since that day our emotions have been up and down. I started out being so optimistic and surprisingly calm (so calm that Reid felt he needed to be the nervous wreck to counterbalance). I was quite confident this would work, and we’d be celebrating a pregnancy soon.
Our doctor’s office had me come in last Monday (4 days past transfer) to check my progesterone and estrogen levels (both hormones they have you take to better the chances). Levels came back within normal range, and I was so happy to see that (we almost always have to add more hormones during any pregnancy). On Thursday of that same week, however, it was a different story. My hormone levels dropped and the doctor wanted me to st…