Impatiently Waiting for our Miracle(s)

On June 14 th , we went in for our first ever embryo transfer. Since we weren’t PGS testing this time, our doctor suggested we go for a day-5 fresh transfer. We agreed that we would make a game-time decision as to whether we would transfer one or two. And we ended up transferring two morula embryos. Since that day our emotions have been up and down. I started out being so optimistic and surprisingly calm (so calm that Reid felt he needed to be the nervous wreck to counterbalance). I was quite confident this would work, and we’d be celebrating a pregnancy soon. Our doctor’s office had me come in last Monday (4 days past transfer) to check my progesterone and estrogen levels (both hormones they have you take to better the chances). Levels came back within normal range, and I was so happy to see that (we almost always have to add more hormones during any pregnancy). On Thursday of that same week, however, it was a different story. My hormone levels dropped and the doctor wanted ...

Lately I’ve had a couple of conversations with men who are facing infertility with their wives. And it got me thinking about all of the things that my husband has done right throughout this process. It must be so hard for men to know exactly what to do for their wives as we feel all the feels of infertility. I’m not going to say that infertility is harder on women than men, because I don’t necessarily believe that. But I do believe that men and women process their emotions differently. As does each individual person. So I’m not going to sit here and say “this is what you should do for your wife”, or “this is what you need”. I’m no expert, and every person is different. What I will do is share what my husband has done for me that has helped me through infertility and pregnancy loss. And maybe there are some nuggets in there that you can take and use for yourself. I’m by no means saying that my husband is a perfect husband, and he does all the right things. He and I had to really lear...

2:00 in the morning, and I’m wide awake. Let me tell you something about myself… I very very rarely have issues sleeping. Like I can count on one hand the times that I haven’t been able to sleep through the night. I’m that person that will wake up, roll over, and go straight back to sleep. But tonight I’m wide awake. Today was a rough day. Hell, the last two weeks have been rough. My husband is believed to have cancer. In the bile ducts. Which is the thing that we’ve feared the most over the last four years . And the worst part? They can’t even prove it with biopsies, because it’s that far into his bile ducts, and that hard to detect. Our saving grace was always, “if he gets cancer, as long as we catch it in time, we’ll be able to automatically get exception points on the transplant list, and that will move him up the list quickly.” But we can’t even do that. I feel stuck. And afraid. Two weeks ago, Reid had a Spyglass (ERCP) procedure because his Houston transpla...

We are about a week away from starting the “priming” process of IVF round 3. I’m really excited for our next round. Yes, I wish we didn’t have to do it. But we do, and I’ve decided to completely embrace it and be totally hopeful. In the past I’ve worked so hard to guard my heart during our rounds. Which is 100% normal when you’re battling infertility. At some point, you just get to where you want so badly for everything to work out, but you’re also realistic and know that it doesn’t always work the way you’d hope.   But I’m going into this round full of hope. I’m still nervous to say “when this works…” or “when we’re pregnant…” but I’ve caught myself saying that a couple of times. During my nightly breathing exercises (as recommended by my acupuncturist), I’ve been saying “We will get pregnant this year, we will have a healthy baby next year.” Crap, that’s scary to type out. And I can hear my superstitious husband on the other end of this saying “noooo!! Don’t say that out loud!!...

I asked my mom to write a blog post for National Infertility Awareness Week. She struggled with infertility and pregnancy losses of her own, and is now experiencing the pains of infertility again as Reid and I struggle through it. I'm proud to share her words, and appreciate her sharing her heart with you all! This is Dee's Story.  I am honored to share my story this National Infertility Awareness Week.  Many of you know the story of my daughter Abby and son-in-law Reid, their infertility issues and the miracles we are all praying for. You may not know that  I went through some of these issues myself.   Only it was the early 80's and no one told me it was "infertility".   In fact no one really talked about the subject. I had two miscarriages before having my first child, Abby.  It was a two year ordeal but at the time it felt like a lifetime.  Everything in life had fallen into place perfectly to this point.  I had graduated college,...

The theme of this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week is “flip the script”. I have struggled with how to incorporate that theme, until I was sitting at my support group meeting on Monday night. I sat there talking with my therapist, who leads the group, and we started discussing all of the things I’m grateful for. Talk about flipping the script. So often we view infertility as this ugly, terrible thing that happens to 1 in 8 couples. Don’t get me wrong, it is ugly, and it is terrible (see my post from Tuesday). But there are also so many hidden blessings in it. Infertility is really f-ing hard, y’all. But I’m so grateful for this experience we’ve been through. I’m grateful that it has taught me patience . Patience while waiting for a baby, patience while waiting for our next round of treatments, patience while waiting for results. We have had to wait SO MUCH throughout this process. I would argue that I was probably the most impatient person in the world when we starte...

Infertility can mean a lot of different things to different people. Some couples have the official diagnosis of “infertile”, while others just wait, and wait, and wait to become parents, with no real explanation of why. Infertility affects 1 in 8. Yet, until you are experiencing it, you may or may not even know that others are having the same struggles. Since we’ve started this journey, I’ve learned so much, and have met so many people along the way that are dealing with this struggle. This diagnosis – or lack thereof. It affects each couple differently, but also the same. It is hard. And UGLY. So what is infertility? Infertility is a DISEASE… not to be cured by “relaxing” Infertility is yearning to be a parent so badly, but month after month feeling disappointed and defeated Infertility is “giving up” on conventional methods, and realizing you may never carry a child of your own Infertility is watching all of your friends give birth to perfect babies while you yearn for tha...