Impatiently Waiting for our Miracle(s)

I asked my mom to write a blog post for National Infertility Awareness Week. She struggled with infertility and pregnancy losses of her own, and is now experiencing the pains of infertility again as Reid and I struggle through it. I'm proud to share her words, and appreciate her sharing her heart with you all! This is Dee's Story.  I am honored to share my story this National Infertility Awareness Week.  Many of you know the story of my daughter Abby and son-in-law Reid, their infertility issues and the miracles we are all praying for. You may not know that  I went through some of these issues myself.   Only it was the early 80's and no one told me it was "infertility".   In fact no one really talked about the subject. I had two miscarriages before having my first child, Abby.  It was a two year ordeal but at the time it felt like a lifetime.  Everything in life had fallen into place perfectly to this point.  I had graduated college,...

The theme of this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week is “flip the script”. I have struggled with how to incorporate that theme, until I was sitting at my support group meeting on Monday night. I sat there talking with my therapist, who leads the group, and we started discussing all of the things I’m grateful for. Talk about flipping the script. So often we view infertility as this ugly, terrible thing that happens to 1 in 8 couples. Don’t get me wrong, it is ugly, and it is terrible (see my post from Tuesday). But there are also so many hidden blessings in it. Infertility is really f-ing hard, y’all. But I’m so grateful for this experience we’ve been through. I’m grateful that it has taught me patience . Patience while waiting for a baby, patience while waiting for our next round of treatments, patience while waiting for results. We have had to wait SO MUCH throughout this process. I would argue that I was probably the most impatient person in the world when we starte...

Infertility can mean a lot of different things to different people. Some couples have the official diagnosis of “infertile”, while others just wait, and wait, and wait to become parents, with no real explanation of why. Infertility affects 1 in 8. Yet, until you are experiencing it, you may or may not even know that others are having the same struggles. Since we’ve started this journey, I’ve learned so much, and have met so many people along the way that are dealing with this struggle. This diagnosis – or lack thereof. It affects each couple differently, but also the same. It is hard. And UGLY. So what is infertility? Infertility is a DISEASE… not to be cured by “relaxing” Infertility is yearning to be a parent so badly, but month after month feeling disappointed and defeated Infertility is “giving up” on conventional methods, and realizing you may never carry a child of your own Infertility is watching all of your friends give birth to perfect babies while you yearn for tha...

Reid and I just traveled to Los Angeles (if you haven't seen the overload on your social media feeds.) We had such an amazing time. But let me tell you what you didn't see in your feed... fear. I had so much fear going into this trip. Reid's parents gifted us money for Christmas that was to be used only for a vacation. What an amazing gift, right?! My first reaction was excitement. And then the fear set in. Can we really travel right now? They knew we've been afraid to travel since Reid's cholangitis attacks last year, and after him being listed for transplant. We also haven't exactly had the discretionary funds to travel.   I struggled for the three months leading up to our trip. I was so grateful for this amazing gift, but I was also so fearful. What if Reid gets sick while we're gone? What if he gets sick on the plane ride? What if we get another call for a directed liver donation? What if Reid ends up in the hospital and we have to cancel our trip?...

I feel like we are often on a rollercoaster ride that never ends! The last couple of months have definitely been up and down in regards to our (in)fertility journey. We met with a urologist in January, and he ran three tests on Reid… a semen analysis, a DNA fragmentation test, and a sperm fish. And then we waited (and waited, and waited) for all of the results to come in. And of course, they weren’t completely conclusive. No black and white answers. So we met with a genetic counselor, as referred by our urologist. She reviewed our history as well as the results of the testing we did on Reid, and she concluded that we may both have issues that are contributing to the chromosome abnormalities we keep getting. But there’s no certain medical proof of that. Reid’s semen analysis and DNA fragmentation test came back normal. The sperm fish, which checks for abnormal chromosomes in his sperm, came back slightly abnormal. The normal ranges on this test are crazy… they top out at 0.1-0.5%. And...

We all know someone… you know, that person that struggled with infertility for years and then they stopped trying. And then boom – they got pregnant. Yep, everyone has one of those stories about someone they “know”. Can you do me a favor, though? Quit sharing them with people while they’re in the throws of infertility. I know you mean well. I know you think it provides hope. But here’s what it really does (at least for me)… it tells me that you’re not truly listening to our story and understanding where we are. It suggests that the tens of thousands of dollars we’re spending on fertility treatments, tests, hormones, vitamins, acupuncture and doctors, are a waste. That we should just “stop trying”, and “quit stressing”. Then all of a sudden we’ll be pregnant. It doesn’t work that way for most. I love a good “miracle” story just as much as the next person, but these particular stories burn. And being open about your infertility journey means you hear these stories… all. the. time. ...

Just before 1 a.m. yesterday morning, I had a Facebook messenger call from a friend in Huntsville. Reid and I both woke up, but I assumed it was an accidental dial, silenced it, and went back to bed. Something in me (and my dream) told me to wake up and check to see if that was in fact an intentional call. I checked my messenger app to discover several messages from Jennifer (the person that had called), saying she knew of a family who was keeping their grandson on life support so they could find recipients for each of his organs. And she wondered whether Reid could potentially use his liver. My heart jumped and I sat straight up in bed. I immediately called her, and gave her the information that she needed to pass along. The family was going to do a direct donation to Reid. A Directed Organ Donation is something that we hadn’t heard much about. But Jennifer shared that the family spoke with their doctor, and the doctor said that as long as the recipients were on the list, no matter h...