Skip to main content

How did we get here?

After 2 ½ years of struggling with infertility, and 3 pregnancy losses, I’ve decided it’s time to start a blog. Throughout the process, we’ve tried to be as open and honest as possible. Even when that makes others feel uncomfortable. I feel like our friends and family are getting better about understanding what we’re going through, and what to say or do to “help” us, but I still feel like it’s a struggle at times. I still feel as though some avoid reaching out to us because it’s too hard for them, or they just don’t know the exact right thing to say. I still feel as though some think we should keep it a secret, and not share so much with so many people. I still feel like some treat it as a “private” matter that we’re going through, and they don’t want to intrude. Let me tell you what got me here today, the day after my 2nd D&C, 3rd pregnancy loss, and I’m not a ridiculous mess. And that’s crazy to me. How am I not a total wreck? How am I not stuck in bed, crying uncontrollably as we mourn the loss of yet another baby? It’s not just one thing – it’s a whole list of things!

  • My amazing husband. He deals with my crazy, and his biggest worry throughout this process has always been me, and how I’m handling things. When I’m pregnant, he makes sure I don’t lift a finger. When I’m having a total meltdown because one more person I know is pregnant, he sits with me and doesn’t make me feel like a terrible person. He is amazing, and I love him even more each time we go through a struggle.
  • My mom. She had two pregnancy losses before having me and my sister, so she has a better understanding of what we're dealing with. And will drop anything to be here when I need her. Of course my dad, Reid’s parents, my step-dad, and soon-to-be-step-mom are also a HUGE support and do anything they can to make sure we are okay.   
  • People reaching out to tell us they are praying for us and want to support us in any way they can.
  • Our amazing fertility doctor, and the fact that he will sit and answer Reid and my questions, even if it means we take up way too much of his time (which he has NEVER made us feel like we do). His entire team is amazing. Who can say they get hugs from their doctor and nurse?? This girl.
  • My wonderful therapist who specializes in infertility and pregnancy loss, and completely understands what we’re going through.
  • Our support group of peers who are going through the same struggles and meet once a month to share our stories.
  • My amazing acupuncturist who has come up with treatment plans to help us get pregnant (this time it only took a month, thankyouverymuch!) and helps me manage my stress and anxiety – which at times can be so overwhelming.
  • My sister, my best friend, Reid’s sister, all of our amazing friends,  my boss and co-workers. I could go on and on, but I’m not going to name each and every one of you – you know who you are.
  • My faith. At times I will tell you I have had SERIOUS doubts, and I've had some really hard conversations with God, but I do believe He has a bigger plan that we don't yet understand. Although, I really wish he'd hurry up and show me what that plan is.  


Point is, we’ve come a long way. I remember our first loss – an ectopic pregnancy – in April of 2015. Worst day of my life up to that point. I didn’t think I would ever recover. But here we are. Three losses later, and I could not be more grateful for the people we have in our life. And I truly truly believe that a miracle is on it’s way, just for us. It's been a super hard road. And it will continue to be. Our struggles don't end once we get pregnant... then comes the worry of whether or not the baby will stick, and whether this truly is our miracle or another heartbreak. But you all have helped us along the way. And for that we cannot say thank you enough.  

I hope that by sharing our story (I’ll go into more details about each of the pregnancies and experiences we’ve gone through here), it helps not only to enlighten others to the struggles of infertility and pregnancy loss and how to help others going through this, but it may help someone who is struggling as well. I look forward to the day when others can share our story as a “success” story.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support during this journey. 

I found this quote on Pinterest a couple days ago, and it has helped me this week, it's become my mantra...
"Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be." AMEN! 


Labels:

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 29, 2017 at 12:05 PM

    What an amazing list! You have so much support and love out there! Thank you for sharing the current chapters in your story... I pray that you will have miracle chapter soon! You and your family deserve it. Much Love ❤️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

After the Storm

I’ve stared at a blank page on my screen several times over the last few weeks, trying to find the words. Today I’m committed to sharing, no matter how those words come out. So please bear with me. Over the last few months, I’ve dealt with some serious anxiety. And I’ve avoided sharing. Because I had babies recently. And often the response is, “You’re a new mom, it’s normal to have anxiety.” And that’s true. It is normal to have “new mom” anxiety, and to have a new level of stress that comes with raising tiny humans. However, what I’ve been dealing with is so much more. I wake up in the middle of the night with a pit in my stomach and have to catch my breath. I often think about losing my husband or one of our babies, and I spiral into a pit of anxiety. Every time I walk up and down the stairs with a baby in my arms, I am anxious that they are suddenly going to throw themselves out of my arms and go over the railing. If Reid doesn’t do something for the babies the exact way I wou...
1 comment
Read more

Reid's health - Hospital stay #2

When I started writing this blog, it was dedicated to one topic – infertility and pregnancy loss. I guess that’s two topics, but very closely related. I did not think the type of miracle I would be impatiently waiting for would change. We now need a miracle for my husband, Reid. A month ago I shared that we were in the hospital and he had cholangitis. At that time, we knew that it meant his Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis (PSC) – an inflammation of the bile ducts in his liver – was progressing. But we weren’t sure by how much. So we had follow up appointments and procedures scheduled with his doctors. Next Tuesday he was set to go have a Spyglass procedure so we could see where he was. He had been feeling significantly better after his last hospital stay, and we thought things were looking much better. Early Wednesday morning he woke me around 3 a.m. with liver pains (yes, unfortunately he actually knows what liver pains feel like). We decided to come into the ER, given his last si...
17 comments
Read more

Our Tiny Miracle - Kaylee June

Let me tell you about a little girl who has stolen our hearts, but almost never came to be. After three natural pregnancy losses and two rounds of IVF (in-vitro fertilization), we started our third round of IVF in the summer of 2018. Two of our pregnancy losses were due to chromosome issues so we did PGS (Pre-implantation Genetic Screening – checking the chromosomes of embryos for abnormalities) testing for our first two rounds of IVF. All (4) of those embryos were deemed “abnormal”… they either had an extra chromosome or they were missing one. And they were all issues that were not compatible with life. So going into round 3 we were looking for a “fresh start”. To our surprise, our doctor (who is amazing at thinking “outside of the box”) suggested we forgo the PGS testing for our 3 rd round. Each of our chromosome abnormalities, including two of the pregnancy losses, were all different abnormalities (it was a different chromosome missing or extra each time). So he thought it wa...
Post a Comment
Read more