How did we get here?

After 2 ½ years of struggling with infertility, and 3 pregnancy losses, I’ve decided it’s time to start a blog. Throughout the process, we’ve tried to be as open and honest as possible. Even when that makes others feel uncomfortable. I feel like our friends and family are getting better about understanding what we’re going through, and what to say or do to “help” us, but I still feel like it’s a struggle at times. I still feel as though some avoid reaching out to us because it’s too hard for them, or they just don’t know the exact right thing to say. I still feel as though some think we should keep it a secret, and not share so much with so many people. I still feel like some treat it as a “private” matter that we’re going through, and they don’t want to intrude. Let me tell you what got me here today, the day after my 2^nd D&C, 3^rd pregnancy loss, and I’m not a ridiculous mess. And that’s crazy to me. How am I not a total wreck? How am I not stuck in bed, crying uncontrollably as we mourn the loss of yet another baby? It’s not just one thing – it’s a whole list of things!

• My amazing husband. He deals with my crazy, and his biggest worry throughout this process has always been me, and how I’m handling things. When I’m pregnant, he makes sure I don’t lift a finger. When I’m having a total meltdown because one more person I know is pregnant, he sits with me and doesn’t make me feel like a terrible person. He is amazing, and I love him even more each time we go through a struggle.
• My mom. She had two pregnancy losses before having me and my sister, so she has a better understanding of what we're dealing with. And will drop anything to be here when I need her. Of course my dad, Reid’s parents, my step-dad, and soon-to-be-step-mom are also a HUGE support and do anything they can to make sure we are okay.   
• People reaching out to tell us they are praying for us and want to support us in any way they can.
• Our amazing fertility doctor, and the fact that he will sit and answer Reid and my questions, even if it means we take up way too much of his time (which he has NEVER made us feel like we do). His entire team is amazing. Who can say they get hugs from their doctor and nurse?? This girl.
• My wonderful therapist who specializes in infertility and pregnancy loss, and completely understands what we’re going through.
• Our support group of peers who are going through the same struggles and meet once a month to share our stories.
• My amazing acupuncturist who has come up with treatment plans to help us get pregnant (this time it only took a month, thankyouverymuch!) and helps me manage my stress and anxiety – which at times can be so overwhelming.
• My sister, my best friend, Reid’s sister, all of our amazing friends,  my boss and co-workers. I could go on and on, but I’m not going to name each and every one of you – you know who you are.
• My faith. At times I will tell you I have had SERIOUS doubts, and I've had some really hard conversations with God, but I do believe He has a bigger plan that we don't yet understand. Although, I really wish he'd hurry up and show me what that plan is.  

Point is, we’ve come a long way. I remember our first loss – an ectopic pregnancy – in April of 2015. Worst day of my life up to that point. I didn’t think I would ever recover. But here we are. Three losses later, and I could not be more grateful for the people we have in our life. And I truly truly believe that a miracle is on it’s way, just for us. It's been a super hard road. And it will continue to be. Our struggles don't end once we get pregnant... then comes the worry of whether or not the baby will stick, and whether this truly is our miracle or another heartbreak. But you all have helped us along the way. And for that we cannot say thank you enough.  

I hope that by sharing our story (I’ll go into more details about each of the pregnancies and experiences we’ve gone through here), it helps not only to enlighten others to the struggles of infertility and pregnancy loss and how to help others going through this, but it may help someone who is struggling as well. I look forward to the day when others can share our story as a “success” story.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support during this journey. 

I found this quote on Pinterest a couple days ago, and it has helped me this week, it's become my mantra...

"Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be." AMEN!